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The final episode of how Fahdonmul defeated Alduin in the Dragonborn's absence. It's been a fun story, and hopefully I'll write another at some point.
Alduin is dead, but Fahdonmul still has to bargain his way out of Sovngarde

Icon art by  den-99

While Sweet-Roll-Devour is my creation, I owe a lot to an anonymous contributor writing a fanfic about him, which helped gel his personality. Skyrim and its characters are property of Bethesda, of course.

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Chapter 8 - What Happens When You Shake the Dragon Just So

"A dragon... in the Halls of Valour?!" Felldir the Old looked shocked. "What is the meaning of this?!"

"Not just any dragon... This one insulted our honour when we carried out the plan!" Hakon One-Eye said, looking furious. "It stole our kill!"

"You can't still be mad about that, surely?" Fahdonmul asked, astounded. "For you, that was over 4000 years ago! Look - I saved you the trouble of having to slay one of Alduin's allies, and allowed you to focus on the real villain, right...?
"Besides, I think you owe the poor guy an apology. He's renounced Alduin and is slowly learning the Way of the Voice, but thanks to you, he's too scared to leave the mountain in case someone else tries to stab him in the head!"

"How did you get in here?" Gormlaith Golden-Hilt demanded, looking scandalised. "The Halls of Valour were not made to be defiled by a foul monster like you!"

"Shut your face, crazy lady!" Fahdonmul snapped. "I helped teach your kind to Shout! Aided you against Alduin! The only reason I came here at all was to finish the job which you left undone!"

"I told you so," Felldir said smugly.

"I helped give you the power of the Shout!" Fahdonmul snarled. "But just because I wanted to see Alduin suffer, just because I wanted to help you mortals out when you needed it most, that does not mean I your crusade against my people as a whole race!
"You Tongues were so blinded by hate that you slew your own allies just because they were dovah!
"And those who willingly aided Alduin, they could have aided you after his fall, seeing that your Th'uum was mightier! Instead, you murdered them!"

"Dragons cannot know change!" Gormlaith retorted. "They would never had aided us!"

"Bullshit!" Fahdonmul swore. "Paarthurnax did! He could never have betrayed Alduin in the first place if change was impossible! Nor could I!"

"Yet he has kept his name," Felldir pointed out. "Ambition Overlord Cruelty...? How much has he really changed?"

"He thought you were his friends!" Fahdonmul said, looking disgusted. "And maybe he did keep that moniker, but he's mastered the Way of the Voice! If anyone can show the dov how to live in peace with mortals, it's him!
"And 'Sweetroll Devour' used to be called 'Eats many animals'! But now he isn't, because - get this - he changed his name!
"Listen... you lot may be able to Shout, but you're not dovahhe. However, I am. If anyone here is an expert on whether the dov can or cannot change their tune, I'm the only one here with any first-hand practical experience, got it..?"

"Your kind has no place here!" Hakon stated curtly. "You worms slew countless men... We simply repaid the favour."

"Don't you dare call me a worm, joor!" Fahdonmul screamed, the power of his voice staggering them and causing a plate of grilled leeks to topple onto the floor with a clatter as the echoes of his wrath died away.

"You three spent more than four thousand years drinking mead in Sovngarde!" he ranted. "Your victims didn't get that luxury! And unlike you, we cannot reproduce! You have multiplied and recovered your numbers after that unfortunate episode, but we were nearly made extinct!
"You didn't even care which of us were good and which of us were evil... You just kept killing and killing and killing for the sake of it! And the best part is, that's exactly what you accuse US of doing!
"And, while I've spent whole eras constantly fleeing for my life... While I was out there just now, slaying Alduin for you, you lazy bastards were just sitting here getting yourselves shitfaced!"

Fahdonmul banged his tail against the floor in anger, sending plates and bowls of food everywhere and shattering a large jug of wine in the process.

"Ahem," Felldir said quietly. "I understand your frustrations, Sir Dragon, but we are all enemies of the World-Eater here," he said. "We should bury our differences, at least for now."

"Yes," Fahdonmul said thickly, forcing himself calm with a visible effort. "I quite agree, uh... Mr. Felldew, wasn't it?"

"Felldir," the old man corrected. "Alduin escaped us long ago. Today we take our well-tempered revenge."

"He didn't escape, you banished him," Fahdonmul objected. "But, yes... apparently Tsun wants us to go out there and 'fight Alduin'. Again. So we should probably stop arguing and do that, right...?"

"Alduin's doom is now ours to seal!" Gormlaith cried excitedly. "With high hearts we'll hasten forth to smite the wor-"
"Gormlaith!" Felldir onished, as Fahdonmul growled menacingly at her.

"To battle, my friends!" the warrior cried, drawing her sword. "The fields will echo with the clamour of war, our wills undaunted!" So saying, she ran towards the door.

"Sorry about the mess," Fahdonmul said to Ysgramor.

"It's not every day we get a dragon in Shor's Hall," the Atmoran said. "But you've certainly made death interesting, I'll give you that!"

"Wait," Hakon muttered as he went through the door, "...Did it say just Alduin is dead...?"

* * *

Tsun was still leaning unsteadily against the entrance to the whalebone bridge as the three Tongues raced towards him. Fahdonmul, having swiped a few sweetrolls before leaving, squeezed himself out through the door again and sailed overhead, deftly landing in front of the hill where Alduin had sat.

"At Last!" Gormlaith said, her voice vibrating with joy at the prospect of battle. "With four Voices ed, our valour combined, we can blast the..." she stopped abruptly. "Wait! Where did the mist go?"

"Oh, that...? It went away when Alduin died," Fahdonmul remarked casually.

Gormlaith lost it completely. "You killed him without us?!" she screamed. "Slaying dragons was my whole life! I waited four thousand years for this moment!"

"Then you need to find a new hobby!" Fahdonmul retorted. "Will you listen to yourself?" he added. "If indiscriminately slaying Nords was your whole life, they'd have hanged you as a serial killer! Tsun would have thrown you off the whalebone bridge!"

"Now then," Tsun said, interrupting the argument. "Right! So, I just need you all to pose next to Alduin's corpse, and I can call the job done. Where is it, anyway?"

"He melted," Fahdonmul said. "You need a body and a soul to bring back a dovah, so I assume Father Akatosh claimed both of them."

"Then we'll need a substitute," the god said.

"Another dragon's corpse would do," Gormlaith snarled. "And I know just where to get one!"

"Do you want me to knock you down that abyss, crazy lady?" Fahdonmul threatened.

"Hold it!" Tsun commanded. "You're only allowed to slay one dragon in Sovngarde, and that's Alduin. Those are the rules."

"But I haven't slain any dragons here yet!" Gormlaith snarled.

"That rule applies to everyone!" Tsun snapped like an angry schoolteacher.

"Gormlaith, Hakon... You have been my friends for countless mortal lives," Felldir the Old cautioned, "...But I will not let you kill the Slayer of Alduin! You'd be kicked out of Sovngarde!"

"You would side with the beast?!" Gormlaith protested. "But he..." she trailed off and she stopped to watch as Fahdonmul stomped away.

The dragon halted at the riverbank and plunged his head down into the waters. After this, he turned back and spat, blowing a huge lump of mud onto the grass between them.

"What the hell?!" Gormlaith cursed, as some of it splattered over her armour.

"There you go, Tsun," Fahdonmul said, after washing his mouth out in the river. "Substitute melted Alduin. Look, he's even bled over Gormless or whatever her name is!
"Can I go now?" he whined petulantly. "I killed Alduin. I fetched these horrible people... and Felldir," he added quickly. "As the Slayer of Alduin, you owe me a favour, right?
"Otherwise... Well, Alduin came here to eat souls. And if I'm left here forever to slowly go mad from isolation while all these souls are running around everywhere, eventually I'm going to wonder what they taste like, you know...?"

"We're done," Tsun exclaimed hastily. "Congratulations, you're officially the Slayer of the World-Eater. Ahem...
"That was a mighty deed! The doom of Alduin encomed at last, and cleansed is Sovngarde of his evil snare. All hail the... dragon! Praise him with great praise!"

"All hail the dragon! Praise him with great praise!" Felldir repeated enthusiastically, along with a couple of lost souls who had stopped to watch. Angrily, he turned to his companions. "Hakon, Gormlaith!" he snapped, elbowing them. "You heard Tsun. Go on... praise him with great praise!"

"I will not praise a worm!" the warrior lady snarled. Fahdonmul's eyes narrowed and he hissed angrily.

"Nor I," Hakon insisted. "Dragons are our sworn enemy! They enslaved us all!"

"And now they have freed you all," Tsun pointed out with a withering look, as did Fahdonmul.

"All hail the dragon. Praise him with great praise," the two knights recited dully.

"Was that really so hard?" Fahdonmul asked sadly. "That's all I ever really wanted, you know. To be loved and given scritches. To help mortals. And Alduin took all that away... so I took away his life."

Gormlaith and Hakon did not answer, but instead turned and ran back to the whalebone bridge as quickly as they could, before Tsun could force them do anything else.

"Fare you well, mighty Fahdonmul," Felldir said. "We owe you a debt for this great deed, and the others will that before long."

"As a dovah, I know pride," Fahdonmul said, watching them go. "They would have made fine dragons," he added wistfully.

"And you would have made a fine dragonborn." Felldir said.

"Thanks, I think..." Fahdonmul said.

"Ahem," Tsun interrupted. "You wanted to go home, right...?"

"Yes!" Fahdonmul said enthusiastically.

"Then return now to Nirn, with this rich boon from Shor, my lord," Tsun said. "...A Shout to bring a hero from Sovngarde in your hour of need!"

"Why would I want to summon them?" Fahdonmul asked, looking appalled. "They hate me!"

"Exactly," Tsun said. "Being summoned by a dragon might broaden their perspective a little."

"I guess so," the brown dragon didn't sound entirely convinced. "Isn't that necromancy, though...?"

"I don't care. Now, you must go... the land of the dead is not meant for mortals to linger."

"I'm not a mortal!" Fahdonmul objected. "I am a dovah!"

"Whatever. NAHL-DAAL-VUS!" the god Shouted.

I'll have to that one, Fahdonmul thought as the world turned white.

* * *

Fahdonmul came to at the Throat of the World. The refugee dragon stood before him.

"Daar sul thur se Fahdonmul naaktiid," he announced excitedly. "Today, Fahdonmul's lordship shall begin!"

"Er, thanks!" Fahdonmul said, and turned to see a large crowd of dragons clustered around the mountaintop.

"Hail, Fahdonmul, Thuri!" they chorused.

"You did it!" Sweet-Roll-Devour said excitedly. "You slew the Dark One!"

"Oh, yeah!" Fahdonmul said, and gave a small Shout, materialising a couple of Sweetrolls in front of him. "I stole these from Heaven," he told the Ancient Dragon.

"...I've tasted better," Sweet-Roll-Devour itted.

"By right of conquest, we serve you now, Lord Fahdonmul," one of the Elder dragons stated in dovahzul. "Command us, and we shall do your bidding."

"We'll see," Fahdonmul said. The Elder dragon cocked his head slightly, and looked a little put out. "Do you doubt our loyalty, Thuri...?"

"You might not like the commands I give you," Fahdonmul pointed out reasonably. "Supposing I ordered you all to learn the Way of the Voice from Paarthurnax?"

"You have to want it," Paarthurnax pointed out. "The Way is self-discipline - it must come from within, not the false discipline imposed by fear."

"It was just an example," Fahdonmul said. "However, I will now share my agenda with you. My first priority is to secure the immediate future of the dov," he continued.
"Alduin attempted to secure it by violence, and that attempt failed so spectacularly, it almost destroyed us all. The world has changed since the Dragon War and we must find a new place in it.
"That means, from today - I want you all to stand down. No more random attacks on the settlements. Self-defence is permitted, of course, but leave the mortals alone unless you have no choice.
"Yes, I know some of you will find this hard. All those who wish to follow me, I would have them wear an enchanted band as I do, and I shall provide these to all who accept my lordship. They are to be worn, both to show mortals that you are my allies, and to calm our minds. For a dovah with his inner turmoil calmed can achieve great things.
"I will work to seek a truce with the mortals. We dov are strong and able warriors. We can use that strength to aid those who are weaker, to slay those who would invade their cities... and those miserable Thalmor inquisitors too.
"That, I believe, is what Father Akatosh made us for - to lend our strength to others. Those who do not wish to serve me under these may leave and go their own way - but they will not benefit from my protections.
"Any who would follow Paarthurnax instead and use their Voices to glorify Bormahu, they may do so with my blessing and I shall try to extend the truce to them also."

"This is an... unusual creed," the Elder dragon said, looking doubtful. "But your Thu'um has bested Alduin, and it is said you have spoken with Bormahu. I would hesitate to doubt your Rightness."

"It is true," Fahdonmul said. "Our old creed was given to us by Alduin. But he strayed from his appointed path. His creed was that only the strong deserve to live, and that if the dov were not strong, they did not deserve to stay in this world.
"And a dovah is indeed, strong compared to a mortal," Fahdonmul continued, "But many mortals are stronger than one dovah, and we cannot match them in number. Some believe this was a sign that Bormahu had tired of us, and that our time on this world is meant to be over.
"But when I prayed to Him for guidance, I learned that this was not His Plan, and that if ever we are finally gone from this world, then He will avenge us by ending it."

"Maybe you will think me touched in the head for these claims," Fahdonmul said. "I do not know the mind of Our Father, and I do not seek to be His prophet. But I truly believe that by continuing to live, we glorify Father Akatosh and if we die, His glory shall be diminished.
"If our survival means that we must humble ourselves at times, then that may be the lesson Bormahu wished to teach us - that pride is good, but hubris will destroy us.
"And if we must sometimes swallow our pride, as I have done by posing as a mortal, by curbing my violent thoughts, then that is a price we must pay. For continuing to survive in a world that has tried to slay us countless times, that also demonstrates strength.
"I have swallowed my pride, but by doing so, I have survived. And because of that, I have slain Alduin."

"If will please Bormahu, then I for one shall follow your strange course, Thuri," the Elder said, and the others agreed.

"Excellent," Fahdonmul said, and meant it.

Epilogue

Some dragons chose to stay at the Monahven to learn from Paarthurnax, but the rest had long since departed, having flown out to Skuldafn which was being set up as a home base and future dragon city, under Odahviing's supervision. Having inspected their progress and returned to consult with Paarthurnax and tell Arngeir the good news, Fahdonmul winged his way across Whiterun hold to check in with his newly-appointed chief of security.

"Drem Yol Lok, Vuljotnaak," he said.

"Fahdonmul, Thuri!" the dragon replied eagerly. "I rejoice that you are safe. The Dark Brotherhood have sent assassins to slay you!"

"Again...?" Fahdonmul sighed, ing the last two assassins, whose severed heads now decorated the Whiterun road along with several Thalmor. "They never learn..."

"Also, there was a farmer... with a cow!" Vuljotnaak seethed, as if the animal was a personal insult to him. Fahdonmul sighed like a disappointed parent.

"Oh, Vuljotnaak," he started, "I thought we'd got past this!"

"Krosis, Thuri," Vuljotnaak said apologetically, "But that cow had to die! It was covered in ancient runes of power! It is some plot against us by the mortals!"

"I really don't think the farmers are plotting anything," Fahdonmul said, to the other dragon's obvious dismay. "I'm more worried about the Dark Brotherhood. Any idea who's paying them?"

"Delphine of the Blades, I suspect, Thuri. Discovering that the so-called Dragonborn was a dovah in mortal guise... She has sworn dire vengeance!"

"True," Fahdonmul mused. "Still, things could be worse. I when someone performed the Black Sacrement against the entire city of Riften. That was... unpleasant. I might have to do something about the Dark Brotherhood... and probably Delphine as well."

"You know I only seek to protect you, Thuri!" the dragon protested. "Without your guiding claws, we shall be scattered and slain, like the Dragon Wars all over again! Do not risk yourself unduly, my Lord..."

"Thanks, I won't," Fahdonmul promised. "If I have to do anything, I will block the exits from her stronghold in Karthspire. But the Blades are worthy opponents, and I will attempt a political solution first. Do not worry, zeymah... Just... try and lay off the cattle, okay...?"

"Understood, Thuri!" the dragon vowed.

* * *

"People of Winterhold College!" Fahdonmul roared, hovering in the central courtyard of the building. "Behold me, and know that your arch-mage is actually a dragon!"

"...Just saying," he added. "I will be adding a new dracology module to the syllabus. With the return of the dragons, knowing the best way to give us scritches might mean the difference between life and death! So this will be an important part of your grade.

"Thank you, that will be all," he said. "Carry on the good work."

So saying, the brown dragon took off into the air, circled once and landed on the roof of the College, spreading out his wings to lie there in a resting position. Fahdonmul now understood the Shouts that Alduin had used to raise Nahagliiv from the dead, and his allies were searching for burial sites that the World-Eater had not chosen to open. Without the souls of mortals to power it all, reviving them would be a much slower process, but they still deserved their second chance.

Maybe there can be a happy ending for the dov after all, he thought to himself, watching the aurora. This time, Bormahu... This time we'll try to do things right.

THE END